Thoughts....

This is not another quilt. This post is not more photos of my latest home redecorating project.

Here are some thoughts I had today, in church of all places. Our pastor was talking about how God doesn't open doors for us until we have the character to use the gifts He gave us and keep at it in that room that He opens the door to...



So is this why I have a brand new 4-year nursing degree that I'm not using because I can't find a job? Or as one friend of ours joked, a can of alphabet soup spilled after my name? Am I $40,000 in student loan debt and very seriously peering into the doorway of the room that God opened the door to last week because I had to go through those 4 years to strengthen my character?

I've dreamed of making a life, not just a living, from my sewing and creating, since I can remember, earliest childhood. As a teenager and college student, there was no practical way; the closest college degree was either in home ec or interior design. As a young mother with a little one, I stayed home for 2 years with him, and made a little money on the side from sewing by the piece for a lady with a custom embroidery business. I had my own designs for children's clothes I came up with, very vintage and retro and fun stuff, but there was no outlet, no way to reach the market, and the shops that catered to my target clientele consistently told me they only bought mass-produced, wholesale merchandise. This was in 2003-2004, before Etsy.com

So, I did what anyone would do, with an unsupportive (now EX) husband, no seed money to invest in materials, and a severe lack of confidence and faith that I could actually make a living and LIFE doing what I love, creating with my hands.... I quit trying. Got divorced, started back to school the week we seperated, because I had to get an education and a job to support myself and my son. Now, 4 years and $40,000 later, I have A.A., B.S.N, R.N. after my name and the current economy and stiff job competition and healthcare reform means that I have all that and no job. BUT, I have the confidence of a well-educated woman, the determination and drive to make it through very tough nursing school classes while going through one h-e-double-hockey-sticks of a divorce/child custody battle, the guts to get up and keep trying when my enemies do everything they can to knock me down and keep me under his thumb, the knowledge that I AM a strong woman who can do anything, and a very, very honed focus on what's truly important in life.

And the very week I got laid off from my first nursing job, I had 3 new Etsy orders, and to keep from going crazy in the process of looking for work, I've been quilting like crazy. Now, last Tuesday, GOD opened the door to a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for any artist, and I am now struggling with some very big questions of faith vs. common sense; of I-have-little-money to pay the bills vs. I really, really need to gather up at least $20-$30 for seed money to buy materials to supplement my scraps so I can make some things for this opportunity; of permanently giving up the dining room table for a cutting board; of how am I going to have health insurance and buy groceries on the $2-$5 per hour I MIGHT be able to make sewing quilts IF they sell????

Just a few thoughts, if anyone is actually still reading, thank you for sharing my world for a few minutes and please pray blessings down on me.